the battle

English entry below the video box

i have not written a blog entry in ages but it seems the High Holidays always get me into a deeper time of reflection and other current events have been nagging at me to write this post.  It is kinda the reason for me writers block methink.

Ya see, a few years ago i saw a work by Nancy Rourke and it kinda rattled my soul.  Many of the works by De’VIA surdists really shake me up but this one was like – wow and ugh and then i wouldnt look at it.  just the thought of it would make me cry. Many moons later Nancy R. had a booth at NTID and this work was there for sale.  At first i was surprised to see how small it was.  Some times artworks pack so much power into them i expect them to be larger than life and then when i meet them if they are small im like WOW – the power of the imagination.  The Mona Lisa is one of those works that just seem like it must be very large but in fact she is pretty small.

so when i saw the haunting work by Nancy R. up close and personal – i was like “i have to buy it” “but then i was like – i really do NOT want to have it. but i really should have it”  yes a debate raged

so i said – i will see see if anyone else buys it (then i will be off the hook ; ) and ill know it wasnt meant for me to have. When the weekend was over and Nancy R. had packed up her works and headed home, i still thought about that work.  Later i checked her website to see if it had been sold and it hadn’t – i emailed her to check if in fact it had been sold yet – she said NOPE.  so i asked if i could buy it and her bring it when she came to town soon and she said sure. and when she brought it to me wrapped in brown paper, she looked to see me open it and i said “i cant open it” and my eyes got all teary as they are getting now.  I have had it for over a year now.

photo(1)

i still havent opened it

i began this blog entry with the intention of unveiling this artwork to myself but still i am delaying.  stalling.  i have thought about the image many times and have composed, in my mind, various blog entries in its honor many times and still i have not opened it

when i do – ya all will probably be like – “well that is no big deal.  i have seen much more pow pow coming off the brush of Nancy Rourke” but you dont know what i see and i really dont know how to properly convey what i see and what i feel and what i know when i think about the artwork (just thinking about this image is triggering my flood gates to open) – it is that powerful.  i think i was hoping … expecting etc that by keeping it under wrap that i might tame it a bit. that it might not be so overwhelmingly painful to look at – that instead it would serve as a beacon and a rally cry – which i do believe is what it is meant to be for me.  im just having an awfully hard time of getting from the place of knowing what was, what is, and what may be to the point of “we can change the course of history.”  Fear dances to strongly with this artwork and me but perhaps tomorrow i will be brave.  some very important things have been happening lately and for the things i have participated in – i know they have been fueled by this image and what it means and represents to me and i know we are trying well and rightly and goodly to shift the sands of time so perhaps tmw – i will be brave and strong

patti, the puddle, signing off for now

sk

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