An Invitation to…..

heye all

this is an invitation to new beginnings

the past few weeks i have been on a truth campaign publicly to say things i have been hesitant to say and to risk things i have been hesitant to risk

and yes – i am questioning my sanity

i have examined my motives thoroughly and me maker says – yep ur still good.  ur gonna get hurt though but i know u gotta try

so here it is some more confessions and an invitation

in the past few weeks cuz i have reached out to dialogue with some folks that i normally would not make the effort for in the past and because some of them have returned the favor – i have started to see that some of the injustices that i abhor have been done to them

i honestly did not know that many folks workplaces have been contacted unjustly – i am still just flabbergasted by that

i honestly didnt know some govt agencies have been contacted with false accusations and unjustly beyond the few times i have covered it in my blogs

i honestly didn’t know the level of hurt so many folks have experienced from past slights, name calling, mocking, ATTACKS, unjust accusations, harsh words, past differences, old history, etc etc etc

it is almost like watching 6 degrees from Kevin Bacon game but its more like 3 or 2 1/2 degrees sometimes

so for my confession:

i have looked away when others have been unjustly attacked

I have been examining my own hypocrisy or a lapse of integrity

i do believe i have committed both when there were CLEAR CUT calls to contact someone’s workplace unjustly.

(again in my book it is ok to engage in civil disobedience, to organize a petition or a letter writing campaign on JUST terms and for JUST reasons)

Its not cool to try to threaten folks livelihood cuz we disagree with their position or sentiment or points of view

so back to me – i assessed why i did not speak out in a few clear cut cases that i knew of and that disturbed me and i have come to the determination that it was because: (and i am ashamed folks)

1. i didn’t like what the attacked persons (victims) had been doing and saying so i did not want to defend them (this is horrible of me)

2. i feared what the attacker would do to me if i spoke out against his actions (this is horrible of me)

Now i could instead rationalize and justify a million times over why i didnt do what i should have done.  i could throw a bunch of clever stuff at u to leave ur head spinning so u would leave me alone and just kinda forget this whole mess but when im on a truth campaign i gotta include meself too

so bless me my commUNITY i have truly sinned by being silent

I am now at a place that since i can not monitor every vlog, blog and comment, I can only commit to if i see an attack that crosses the line i will shout out about it.  For the stuff that is unkind or questionable – i commit to saying “uncool” and knowing bad $hit will probably come after me but we gotta do what is right.

Now for the invitation

Because i have been shocked just shocked to see how many folks have been hurt and wronged and in pain or say they dont care but my goodness they certainly remember …. I invite anyone who i have harmed to stop by and state it here so i have a chance to look at my own conduct and how it has impacted u and process it and apologize for it

i really dont like hurting people.  it actually hurts me a great deal when i do.

sooooo i only ask when u do stop by:

1. ya come from love

2. ya tell truths and not falsehoods

3. if it helps – ya say Patti when you did this….. it made me feel…… and then whatever else u want to share

for the visitors / voyeurs i ask ya:

1. dont feel any need to defend me.  Of course shout outs of what i have done just, right and good are always appreciated but really this is me space to have folks who care help hold up a mirror so i can see mself better

2. if u have seen me do some stuff to others that u feel is wrong or unjust, feel free to share but follow the guidelines above

Where this will lead us – who knows.

I do not know if my truth campaign is to lead me to the doorway out of the b/vlogsphere as I really am fumbling to figure out how can we co-exist.  How do we name things with out naming people, how do we challenge with out crushing, how do we figure out a firm love and a positive peace (not the absence of tension but rather the presence of peace)

My conclusion may be that i am too premature in this effort – that the www is too young for such things and that eventually we will get there but not until we have become more accustomed to this medium and how to use it for good instead of ill-will or maybe my conclusion has to be there r always gonna be bad girls and boys out there doing unjust and unkind things – just dont click or maybe my conclusion will be – this is no place for u kid – head for the woods.

But regardless of what conclusion i reach – i would appreciate it if folks can help me a bit on my journey.  Tell me what i have done that has hurt ya so i can make amends.

ill be back much later today

I thank any brave soul who is willing to be honest with me – if u prefer it via email – no problem.  go to the youtube pdurr account and send me a msg or facebook.  No hate mail folks ; ) just firm with love and truths/facts.

Peace and love,



14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karen Mayes
    Sep 29, 2010 @ 12:53:43

    That is a good posting.

    I am willing to work with you and other people… yes, I am wary still, but I am willing to move on. That’s why I am doing a different kind of blog, focusing on positives. I know, I know, we have been attacked so many times that we have a hard time to trust right away.

    As for me, I have a confession to make. Patti, a few years ago, I called you air-headed in a few comments of mine on other blogs (I can’t remember which blogs, but I do remember calling you that.) That was before I got to know you better and I want to apologize for calling you that in public.

    Last year or so, I compared Deafhood to jihad… I apologize for saying that; I should not have said that. HOWEVER, I still don’t agree with Deafhood… that’s me, don’t need to gang up on me, folks 🙂

    That’s a good start for now 🙂

    Take care.

  2. Dianrez
    Sep 29, 2010 @ 13:44:39

    Patti, you’re a true leader and I hope others will be emulating your thoughtful self-examination and reaching out to others. For myself, I would like to do the same, reach out and dialogue with others even those who name-call. Just without the name-calling since it is a barrier to the dialogue; we can respect each other’s opinions more easily without that.

    Another thought to add to yours: people who maintain blogs have several choices in monitoring the responses. One can be to abusive responses, or delete anonymous responses, or take a hands-off position and let anyone post. I think that maintaining one’s blog means to maintain one’s own style. If a blog is critical or abusive, responses might be the same; if a blog is conciliatory or positive, responses will be likewise. Keeping the stray ones within the spirit of the blog can be challenging, but worth it.

    Being a blogger means sticking out your head and that’s exposing yourself to all sorts of abuses as well as accolades. If you also undertake truth-finding and challenging falsehoods, all the more risk. People want to believe what they believe and cling to those beliefs rather strongly–to do otherwise would threaten their self-image. Sometimes we have to let the cowboys be cowboys and the piano players be piano players, sour notes and all. Just keep on extending that hand.

  3. finlake
    Sep 29, 2010 @ 15:39:16


    i’ve been questioning myself as well.

    now i think of it… v/blogsphere is really an extension of the real world. it’s not a seperate entity, when yout hink about it.

    thus the real world ain’t all that rosey and lovey-dovey.

    as for me… there are times i’ve chastise myself for dissing others. it wasn’t plain obvious, because i prefer to have it obscure. however, obscure to others it may be, but i know exactly what i said.

    and to be frank, this whole mess of uh… stupidity on -ALL- parties involved, im questioning myself “what the hell do i want out of this? or am i really wasting my time?”

    i dont know the answer to it, except this… i really detest cyberbullying because believe it or not it has affected me a great deal. and no, this is no b.s. either.

    however, i do strive to retain my sense of humor and try to see it with Momus, the god of laughter.

  4. Candy
    Sep 29, 2010 @ 16:12:32


    “v/blogsphere is really an extension of the real world. it’s not a seperate entity, when yout hink about it. ”

    to a certain extend, perhaps, but in the real world, you can avoid certain deaf people completely. Maybe that is why I see things overblown in the deaf cyberworld.

  5. finlake
    Sep 29, 2010 @ 16:57:18

    Err, I got it mixed up with Risus and Momus. Risus’ whom I’m referring to. Just to correct myself.

    Thanks, Candy for your support.

    Patti, sorry for infringing myself on this post. It’s just you’re too contagious! It got me analyzing myself. Anyways, uhm… no, you haven’t done anything wrong to me, “oh my goddess.” 🙂

  6. Brian L. Mayes
    Sep 30, 2010 @ 00:02:09

    Wow! This is powerful stuff. Will be very, very hard to do. But it needs to be done. And I’m proud of you for taking the first steps. it takes a very brave soul to do so.

    I know I have been in on a lot of name-calling and have greatly regretted it. But knowing the when and where of what I said, that is the problem, I honestly don’t remember, so if anyone can enlighten me, please do. There are still a few out there that I have yet to forgive and will be hard doing.

    As for Patti, I don’t think there was ever an exchange between us, but I know there were times when I despised you for what you were standing for. That was very silly and immature on my part. For that I’m truly sorry.

    I know, I have not commented. But oh oh, I have been reading and following you all! Be on the look out! 😉 I guess, better late than never. I needed to come out cuz I have been hiding too long on the simple basis of being sick to the stomach with all the hate/division inside the deaf community. It disgusted me. I know, I’m not the only one too. I honestly can’t stand, seriously hate (is that too powerful/negative a word) the deaf politics! Especially the kind that resolves nothing or causes divisions. The d/Deaf bs. There is no d/Deaf. There is only one community. I better stop it can easily get out of hand here… That is why I have stopped showing up.

  7. handeyes
    Sep 30, 2010 @ 00:31:59

    Karen –
    biggest thanks for taking the steps you are.

    You called me a WHAT!!!!! smile. Forgiven. It is great to see you apologize for jihad insult too.
    this is real big of u and a good start as u noted.

    Diane –
    appreciate all you wrote. I understand folks will believe what they want to – just want to make sure the facts are out there for them to make informed choices if they so be inclined. Yep, me hand still out.

    Finlake –
    thanks for sharing that you too struggle. Sharing that cyberbullying affects you is really important. Folks dont realize that sometimes. Forget who said this quote “tread carefully. Feelings are everywhere.” What i have learned is we have to be mindful of what we say and even what we don’t say as folks are waiting to see who will speak out and who will remain silent.

    Re: laughter – yes normally it is a GREAT and important thing. The first thing that may be a blessing to laugh at is ourselves. We are imperfect and at times foolish.

    Candy –
    re: “its a small Deaf cyberspace after all, its a small Deaf cyberspace after all” oh yeah it is might small and as many folks have said – if we met each other out in the real world we probably wouldnt come off like such brutes – we’d tread more carefully and kindly.

    So i dont really think its “DEAF” specific – i think it may be just a case of any small inter-connected community that has some major flare up points that it hasnt had safe spaces to discuss in-depth and in loving ways.

    Finlake –

    ur welcome any times – now im gonna have to google Risus – new to me and i love learning so thanks for that. Oh and u brought us back to the point of the blog – yeah this is supposed to be about telling me what i have done wrong folks – come on, bring it on. I like learning even about meself.
    Finlake – ur too new for me to have done ya any harm. give it time – i may pop the goddess bubble soon. Nah, ive turned a new leaf me hope.

    Brian Mayes is in the house

    ya hoo – welcome and thank u for ur note. Thanks for admitting u have done some name calling and u regret it and offer to folks to enlighten u on that.
    Wow, you despised me for what i was standing for. I understand and am wowed by ur following statement. Forgiven.

    Thank u most especially for sharing that u have been hiding too long due to the hate / division. It has been disgusting in places. It has been scary in places. It has sent many a good souls running fo the hills to let the inmates overtake the medium. Lets reclaim it.

    Re: our community – yep there is only one. no need to fight over the height of one letter.
    There is only one world too but we still talk in terms of the Deaf-world and the Hearing-world at tiems. that is fine as long as its not to exclude but rather accenuate.

    im all for the ending of fighting over the height of one letter – find our common grounds and where we differ we say – as long as u aint dissing me and mine we should be fine.

    see see if its do do able

    Again thanks all and i dont mean to criticize but it is my way to be direct – ya kinda missed the point of this assignment ; )

    Regardless i am MAJORLY glad u show up – gives me hope that we can figure this out together




  8. Brian L. Mayes
    Sep 30, 2010 @ 05:24:20

    Opps! My bad, yea it was supposed to be about what we thought you did to us… Well, that was my point, I just can’t remember – it was so long ago and I just don’t hold grunges, you know. I know people make mistakes and grow from them. I know I did. Or at least, try to…

  9. handeyes
    Sep 30, 2010 @ 10:05:53

    smile re: my bad. no worries at all – it is great that u don’t hold grudges. they weigh folks way way way down. If u do think of something just let me know even if its weeks from now. Our being open to growing is really important – part of the hope.

    Thank you again Brian


  10. anonymous
    Sep 30, 2010 @ 17:59:01

    So when are you going to end your boycott of Deafread?

    It has been harmful to the dialog that people have had to choose between supporting you in boycotting it and arguing in your favor by using it to amplify their views.

    In TRUTH, it is an imperfect space for dialog that your boycott has had an even more negative effect upon than if you had stayed and spread your truth campaign from there.

    Anonymous, because this is a very fragile truth.

  11. Ann_C
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 19:02:23

    Hmmm, called you ragin’ redhead.

    But it was not meant to be a name-calling, rather a fond moniker, as you do go on the warpath sometimes. 🙂 Hope you didn’t take offense at that. My grandmother was fondly called that by her older sister.

    Let me know if ya don’t like it, I’ll refrain from using it.


  12. handeyes
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 21:04:02

    heye Ann_C –

    long time no C

    who could have a problem with that – two truths in one shot – i have red hair and sometimes i rage – as in “contiuing with over powering force” – i am a pacifist and believe in peaceful confrontation so “raging” as in violent extremist – that is a falsehood and would be name calling

    so u is forgiven as no offense intended or given

    if u can think of a new name that cant be construed as a dig – would be lovely
    red headed freedom fighter, truth seeker, fear slayer???

    or u could just call me Patti

    i do thank u Greystreak’s for stopping by. ive missed this side of u.



  13. avg free download
    Oct 06, 2010 @ 20:00:45

    hope and change

  14. handeyes
    Oct 15, 2010 @ 17:50:31

    heye anon. ur comment was stuck in spam folder.

    thank u for the comment. i can appreciate ur perspective. there were folks who felt African-Americans should not have boycotted the buses either but should have road on them to implement positive change

    the bus boycott lasted over 360 days

    how long will i be in boycott until DR stops running attack b/vlogs and adds “disability” and “culture” to its guidelines


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