this is an invitation to new beginnings
the past few weeks i have been on a truth campaign publicly to say things i have been hesitant to say and to risk things i have been hesitant to risk
and yes – i am questioning my sanity
i have examined my motives thoroughly and me maker says – yep ur still good. ur gonna get hurt though but i know u gotta try
so here it is some more confessions and an invitation
in the past few weeks cuz i have reached out to dialogue with some folks that i normally would not make the effort for in the past and because some of them have returned the favor – i have started to see that some of the injustices that i abhor have been done to them
i honestly did not know that many folks workplaces have been contacted unjustly – i am still just flabbergasted by that
i honestly didnt know some govt agencies have been contacted with false accusations and unjustly beyond the few times i have covered it in my blogs
i honestly didn’t know the level of hurt so many folks have experienced from past slights, name calling, mocking, ATTACKS, unjust accusations, harsh words, past differences, old history, etc etc etc
it is almost like watching 6 degrees from Kevin Bacon game but its more like 3 or 2 1/2 degrees sometimes
so for my confession:
i have looked away when others have been unjustly attacked
I have been examining my own hypocrisy or a lapse of integrity
i do believe i have committed both when there were CLEAR CUT calls to contact someone’s workplace unjustly.
(again in my book it is ok to engage in civil disobedience, to organize a petition or a letter writing campaign on JUST terms and for JUST reasons)
Its not cool to try to threaten folks livelihood cuz we disagree with their position or sentiment or points of view
so back to me – i assessed why i did not speak out in a few clear cut cases that i knew of and that disturbed me and i have come to the determination that it was because: (and i am ashamed folks)
1. i didn’t like what the attacked persons (victims) had been doing and saying so i did not want to defend them (this is horrible of me)
2. i feared what the attacker would do to me if i spoke out against his actions (this is horrible of me)
Now i could instead rationalize and justify a million times over why i didnt do what i should have done. i could throw a bunch of clever stuff at u to leave ur head spinning so u would leave me alone and just kinda forget this whole mess but when im on a truth campaign i gotta include meself too
so bless me my commUNITY i have truly sinned by being silent
I am now at a place that since i can not monitor every vlog, blog and comment, I can only commit to if i see an attack that crosses the line i will shout out about it. For the stuff that is unkind or questionable – i commit to saying “uncool” and knowing bad $hit will probably come after me but we gotta do what is right.
Now for the invitation
Because i have been shocked just shocked to see how many folks have been hurt and wronged and in pain or say they dont care but my goodness they certainly remember …. I invite anyone who i have harmed to stop by and state it here so i have a chance to look at my own conduct and how it has impacted u and process it and apologize for it
i really dont like hurting people. it actually hurts me a great deal when i do.
sooooo i only ask when u do stop by:
1. ya come from love
2. ya tell truths and not falsehoods
3. if it helps – ya say Patti when you did this….. it made me feel…… and then whatever else u want to share
for the visitors / voyeurs i ask ya:
1. dont feel any need to defend me. Of course shout outs of what i have done just, right and good are always appreciated but really this is me space to have folks who care help hold up a mirror so i can see mself better
2. if u have seen me do some stuff to others that u feel is wrong or unjust, feel free to share but follow the guidelines above
Where this will lead us – who knows.
I do not know if my truth campaign is to lead me to the doorway out of the b/vlogsphere as I really am fumbling to figure out how can we co-exist. How do we name things with out naming people, how do we challenge with out crushing, how do we figure out a firm love and a positive peace (not the absence of tension but rather the presence of peace)
My conclusion may be that i am too premature in this effort – that the www is too young for such things and that eventually we will get there but not until we have become more accustomed to this medium and how to use it for good instead of ill-will or maybe my conclusion has to be there r always gonna be bad girls and boys out there doing unjust and unkind things – just dont click or maybe my conclusion will be – this is no place for u kid – head for the woods.
But regardless of what conclusion i reach – i would appreciate it if folks can help me a bit on my journey. Tell me what i have done that has hurt ya so i can make amends.
ill be back much later today
I thank any brave soul who is willing to be honest with me – if u prefer it via email – no problem. go to the youtube pdurr account and send me a msg or facebook. No hate mail folks ; ) just firm with love and truths/facts.
Peace and love,