To Tayler and Our Deaf Community:

Greetings Tayler and members of our beloved Deaf community :

I hope you are well.

I come in positive peace.

I am sorry we are at this place of conflict and you, Tayler, have chosen to attack me with falsehoods and namecalling.  I know I have challenged you.  I see that this challenge, which comes from love, has hurt you.

I now fully understand that you cannot enforce guidelines that you yourself actively violate.

I am sorry to learn that you feel i have been harassing you.  Using DVTV’s own definition of cyberbullying via the R-list which was taken from wikipedia

You have: “Cyberstalking is the use of information and communications technology, particularly the Internet, by an individual or group of individuals, to harass another individual, group of individuals, or organization. The behavior includes false accusations, monitoring, the transmission of threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sexual purposes, and gathering information for harassment purposes.”

It seems that perhaps you are engaging in cyberbullying and harassment of me with your recent blog entry where you call me a “harasser,” demonstrate that you have been monitoring me my comments in the blogsphere, and you put forth false accusations about me.

From DR Guideline #8 re: Name calling:

“Naming a person is still fine, however if the named person is insulted, or targeted negatively, it will raise a flag for which we will survey the post more closely. Criticizing an idea or organization is fine. Any exceedingly negative posts, regardless of whether a name is used, will be omitted.”

You have targeted me negatively and brandished me with a false label of “harasser”

FACTS:

on july 1, 2009 you, Tayler, wrote:

“i have a lot of things going on and am juggling them all! ) i’ll add audism in the guidelines — try to do this today!!! yay!!!”

but then you never did and never replied to any of my inquiries as to if you had changed your mind etc.

DVTV walkout began 2nd week of Sept (of which AFA and Ruthie are not part of until the end of Oct and after)

You, Tayler, vlogged about how no one had ever complained to him audism – i email you –  we have a VP chat. We discuss how the word “audism” is unclear and you say you will be adding the word “disability” to DR guidelines and CULTURE to both the DR and DVTV guidelines –

Oct 3rd you, Tayler, wrote: “need to sit down and revise both guidelines this week. thanks patti”

That was almost 1 year ago

i only emailed you a few times in the year that has passed because i mistakenly hoped that you would do the right thing and add “disability” and “culture” to the DR/DVTV guidelines.  Less than 10 emails over the course of 300 days does not constitute harassment.

“harasser” me – if I am – I am a very poor one at that.

RE: my return to DR – it was on our “good faith” understanding and cuz i still believed in u.  As i did up until ur two blog entries.

Not only has DR and DVTV been listing and posting offensive and attacking b/vlogs – you are now creating them and listing them.  Thus, I have come to the very hard conclusion that you cannot possibly enforce your own guidelines since you violate them yourself and I see you do not plan to keep your words to the commitments in the emails to me above.  (please correct me if I am wrong)

Just a couple of business tips –

If you are breaking off communication with someone who only sends u a few emails over the span of a year – you might want to formally let them know that so that they dont assume that maybe the previous one or two communications hadn’t reached you or you had been too busy and overlooked them.  Or they still are hopeful for the better angels of our nature to emerge.

If you want someone to accept to “agree to disagree” with you – it is best to let them know that, in fact, you no longer agree what you promised you were going to do.

Re: crying cyberbullying – many many many people and groups sent letters about cyberbullying.  Are you saying we are all wrong and “harassers” for exercising peaceful direct confrontation?  Kinda conflicts with your free speech position doesn’t it.  I did not and DO NOT support any letters, emails, vlogs, blogs, or comments that spread false accusations.  I do support peaceful and positive activism.  (MLK Jr said positive peace is not the absence of tension but rather the presence of justice.  It is unjust for DR and DVTV to run attack v/blogs and to omit “disability” and “culture” from its guidelines.)

Re: The domestic violence agency who sent a letter to you about Cyberbullying –

Your facts are WRONG HERE.

you wrote:

“I will have you know that a letter was written to me by a domestic violence agency by her [meaning Patti’s] request. (Patti here: I did not request that this domestic violence agency write a letter) After hearing my side of the story, I received the agency’s support and was told something akin to this: “I could do whatever I wanted about Patti”. I am given the green light to address Patti’s ethics and practices.”

“Did she use the domestic violence agency to harass me? Definitely likely. As the excerpt explains, the agency reversed their position (Patti here: If you are speaking of the letter from ASADV – their executive director told me a few weeks ago that she had told YOU that she still stands by her letter.  Are you saying she is lying?  If she is now reversing this position – then she should inform us so we can remove the letter she wrote which is on the agency’s letterhead) and supports me and my team. Given the green light to address Patti’s ethics and practices? Green light given by a domestic violence agency?!” (Patti here: Are you saying a domestic violence agency gave you the green light to lie about me by saying I got them to write this letter and to lie about themselves in terms of telling me they still stand by their letter but telling you they ‘reverse their position’?   Are you saying they gave you the green light to attack me on false and faulty basis? –  boy, that ain’t cool – especially as you noted  – coming from an abuse agency – WOW.  Hoping perhaps you just misunderstood some stuff there?)

Note added Oct 11 : Last week I bumped into  the director of ASADV and i asked her if:

1. she had withdrawn the letter re: cyberbullying and DR/DVTV – she replied that NO she has not withdrawn it and explained that she had simply told Tayler that if and when DR/DVTV pulled the listings / vlogs attacking children – she would then write them a letter of thanks.

2. she acknowledged that I did not contact her about writing the letter and she did not give Tayler any green light to go after me.

Just the facts folks and nothing but the facts.

re: my comments in Facebook and Twitter

Hey Tayler – its kinda creepy that you are monitoring what i have written in facebook and on twitter seeing how i almost NEVER EVER comment in either space.  Ya must really be looking hard and what were these comments?  What did i even say?  I know i ain’t no angel and my halo is pretty crooked at times but either someone is impersonating me or that you solely consider me to be a cyberbully just because i commented to Ricky Taylor a few times – so im a cyberbully by association – oh goodness – if you are gonna extend your definition that way – careful who u hang with pal and who hangs with you because then they (i guess by your standards) are now “harassers” and “cyberbullies”?

Also, this executive director of the domestic violence agency seemed to have the impression that i was behind the Stop Deafread @ Facebook (in hindsight perhaps she got this notion from u when u were visiting at the NAD conference) but when she told me she disapproved of me running the Stop Deafread @ Facebook – i was shocked and told her i had nothing to do with that site.  This is a fact.

You wrote: “Who is the harasser here? Patti Durr. And she has been doing it to me for almost a year.”

If a few emails over the course of one year constitute harassment – I am guilty as charged but i would say – be careful because perhaps u may be accused of harassing someone else based on that definition.

What i have done: (confession time)

i have called a few select folks names – and for that i am sorry.  No not “extremists,” “terrorists,” “antichrist,” “anarchists,” “crybabies,” “children,” “deafhoodites,” etc

No i have never used those terms but i have used “his unholiness” and i have used the term “naysayers”   I can’t really think of any other name i have called anyone.

I have practiced and believed in direct, peaceful confrontation.  I have been relentless about bring truths into the light and trying to have a just and good blogsphere because i have seen TOO MANY good voices go silent.

Oh and i do have a little show i run once and a while called The Rotten Potatoe News with a fictitious character called Patsy Purr – its satire and parody.  Just a little comedic relief.

So bless me sisters and brothers of the v/blogsphere cuz i have succumbed to being silly in the spirit of the Onion News.

If we round up all my b/vlogs, comments here and there that relate to DR, DVTV, and you Tayler – you will see that I have stated i dont support any attacking of you – that i mean you no ill-will and that I love you.  I still do.

My love is a firm one but it has been unwavering.  I have believed in the good in you.  That you would be a man of your word and do the right thing.

You have now made it abundantly clear that i was wrong in my judgment. I have erred in having this faith for too long.  I still love you.

I still cannot fathom why you and your editors would not want to add “disability” and “culture” to the guidelines.

You have never explained this.

While I am very glad you have broken your silence.  I am sorry you have chosen to attack me.  Not because it hurts me but because it diminishes you and your editors and your ability to enforce your own guidelines.  Because it now makes visible your own disregard for your own existing guidelines.

And mostly because it diminishes the great potential of what DR / DVTV deserves to be.

To our beloved Deaf Community – I apologize to you all for having believed in Tayler more than I believed in the need to have an alternative aggregator and video website.  I honestly stayed with this because I believed in his words and in his editors and because I did not want to see division.

I now see as Deaf Village so quickly saw (wow we have something in common) that an alternative aggregator is needed and I’m thankful for the alternative video website www.aslrocks.net which recognizes audism is not cool.

Tayler – I love you and will keep you in my heart.  We can finally “agree to disagree.”

Some important facts have come to light from our conflict:

1.     that the guidelines of DR/DVTV are selectively and inconsistently applied

2.     ML King Jr said: “Privileged groups rarely give up their privileges without strong resistance. Hence the basic question which confronts the world’s oppressed is: How is the struggle against the forces of injustice to be waged? The alternative to violence is non-violent resistance. The non-violent resister must often express his protest through non-cooperation or boycotts, but he realizes that non-cooperation and boycotts are not ends in themselves; they are merely means to awaken a sense of moral shame in the opponent.”  (Christian Century Magazine 1957)

It is true that I employed this peaceful technique to awaken a sense of moral shame in DR/DVTV for posting attack v/blogs.  It is true that I employed this peaceful technique to see DR/DVTV do the right thing and take a stand against ableism via adding “disability” to the DR guidelines and against audism via adding “culture” or after ethnicity (this includes Natural Signed Language people) in DR and DVTV guidelines.

I would have MUCH preferred never to even have to do such advocacy.  But our people are worth it.  DR/DVTV and you were worth it.

3.     MLK Jr and many other good folks have said “it is never the wrong time to do the right thing.

4.     Folks are concerned about division.  It is simple.

Option 1: You can stand by DR/DVTV publishing and disseminating (and now creating) v/blogs that attack and harass members of our community and support their omission of “disability” and “culture” in their guideline(s)

Option 2: You can turn a blind’s eye because you want to continue to have traffic on the DR/DVTV grid (fyi – im way way way off the grid and have more traffic than when I was on DR/DVTV.  If you build a new space for yourself folks will come)

Option 3: You can wait until you have more information.  Uneducation / uninformed silence is not really the answer though (ie – burying your head in the sand).  So get the answers and do your homework.

Option 4: You can join in the attacking and get it carried by DR/DVTV.

Option 5:   I know many of you fear you will be bitten next as Tayler has done to me.  You can live in fear and do nothing.

NO WORRIES re: Tayler’s attempt to disseminate simple lies against me to conceal, distort, and distract from complex truth.

I am not hurt or angry.  He has pulled down his own mask and a few others will follow.

It will be uncomfortable.  It will be shameful what they resort to.

The good news is:

This will allow us to see facts, fiction, and truths for what they truly are because they are no longer hidden.  It’s a good thing.  It’s a hard thing to behold but it is the truth and that is always good.

It will allow new spaces to emerge to wrestle with all the hard issues of folks being unkind to each other in the b/vlogsphere.

It will allow us to have “the spiritual audacity to assert our somebodyness” and it will allow us to be part of a truth force / soul force.  We will have options.

I do apologize to the Deaf community for having gone on so long in advocating for DR/DVTV to do the right thing because I did not want us to be split and because I believed in Tayler for so long.  I do not regret my advocacy or the position I took.  I just regret that it took me this long to get to this point of seeing a truth I was not willing to recognize- that Tayler can not judge what harassing, namecalling, defamation, false accusations, and monitoring are if he engages in those techniques to silence just, right and good dissent.

I suspect it will get worse before it gets better.  What i ask of us is – no lashing out against Tayler, the editors of DR/DVTV, the bloggers/vloggers of DR/DVTV and the supporters.  Challenge with facts and truth and above all LOVE or do not respond at all.  Do not react out of anger, hate, or vengeance.  That is not part of soulforce and it is not right, just, or good.

Be well all.  I love you.

Peace,

Patti

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14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. handeyes
    Sep 25, 2010 @ 22:07:27

    Hi penny

    sorry about the lost comment

    your comment here lists many things you do not like that Amy has done.

    I would not classify what she has done by what u have accounted here as cyberbullying or harassment. Unpleasant, uncomfortable, unnecessary, yes.
    Some of the editors of DR have often said – i’m using my blogger hat now and not my editor hat but then will say to other folks “you are a leader. look what you are doing – its shameful.” They also were also very aggressive in demanding that DBC offer full transparency while they initially neglected to tell the community that they had once been involved in DBC themselves and parted ways on bad terms. They also neglected to offer full transparency that they were also editors for Deafread.

    The webs of a small community – it gets real complicated real fast.

    Even with all of the above that i have stated as KNOWS that i saw unfold – we must still acknowledge that Amy has had a boat load of unkind remarks thrown her way. MZ has had a boat load of unkind remarks thrown her way and Tayler has too.

    I had long hoped that the old festering issue of the DBC split could be resolved so that folks could move forward positively but some folks have memories like ELEPHANTS and some folks seem to want to carry this weighty weight of taking other folks inventory with them where ever they go.

    There are things about each of us that rub others the wrong way. We need to be able to BREATHE and come from love when we challenge or share how we feel as a result of what others say or do.

    We all know about double standards – it seems to me in the blogsphere there are triple and quadruple standards.

    We all be pointing the finger at each other as u have done to Amy and she will probably feel inclined to do back at you.

    I’d rather we stop that and point at the issue on the table which is this constant labeling of folks “harasser” “extremist” “deficit thinker” (see i do have a long memory – i did a shout out to John E about sloshing that label around but it feel on unhearing ears “audist” (please folks dont call no one that term unless the have a strong prove track record of more than just an attitude problem (talk about systems and audist behavor or statements – ask questions instead but dont saddle nobody down with that one unless truly worthy)

    re: Amy sharing about her weight and hospital visit. I don’t know if she was trying to blame the community. Our community is good, strong and beautiful. It does have some good and bad individuals it does have some good and bad things. You are right that no one can cause someone else’s weight gain BUT what amy shared is powerful.

    What she is saying is – this has impacted me. When we are mean to each other it impacts me.

    Yes, it would be beneficial for her to examine if and how she may have contributed to hurting others or being mean to others in the b/vlogsphere. Yes, it would be wise for to examine if the b/vlogsphere is a good place for her give the severe impact it has on her health.

    I’m gonna trust that she is asking those questions more deeper than she reveals in her blog. My trust may be misplaced as it has been in the past re: DR/DVTV but I am gonna trust.

    Her wound is very deep and very obvious. MZ wound is very deep. I think Amy and MZ has contributed some VERY important blogs. If they can muster forgiveness – i believe they will be lighter and we as an on-line community can soar a bit higher.

    We must acknowledge that we bump up against each other and rub each other the wrong way and it leaves its mark. It creates a wound.

    That many of us have sharp eyes, sharp tongues / hands, and fingertips and we scrutinize every little move folks make but when folks pay us the same negative attention it smarts, and hurts, and festers.

    would that we figure out how to do this right

    i believe we can but first we must acknowledge the pain folks are in

    amy shared that a call was made to her work place. While i dont always agree with amy’s delivery and her motives seem questionable – i dont believe i have EVER since her publish lies in her b/vlogs. She has shared opinions and admonishments and perspectives that I have not agreed with but i do not believe she has ever attacked via lies or called anyones work place etc.

    I think she has contributed more good to the b/vlogsphere. I have never been the target of her harsh criticism or the snooty tone – its a turn off but i dont think it constitutes harassment or defamation. It’s just unpleasant and distasteful. I am CONFIDENT that my style and approach and choices fall under the same category for other folks at other times.

    In a word – Amy is more good than bad. We should love her.

    Now im sure many folks r gonna be might mad at me for this but that is where i’m at. She aint no saint but she aint no devil and NEITHER am I.

    Casting stones is way not necessary – busting bull$hit by being firm and direct, and truthful – yep that be needed. but the throwing stones – nah.

    This aint cage fighting folks

    Amy – if u come around and want both Penny and my comments tossed – ill do it. just dont want to censor prematurely but im not 100% comfortable chatting ABOUT you when im unsure if u will see this. Feels wrong but to delete it so late after its been up here is not cool with me either so for now its on the table.

    Penny – i am glad u showed up and put some things on the table. I hope u understand where im coming from – soul force and truth force and all that jazz.

    If we r gonna keep score sheets on each time someone mocks, teases, jests, looks their nose down on someone somewhere some how we aint ever gonna get now where. We r adults after all.

    I have NO desire for DR/DVTV to be in the business of monitoring attitudes – but they have a duty not to sanction (post, distribute, accept) b/vlogs that attack and harass. If they slip past – they should be pulled as soon as its detected. The stuff will still be out there in the wild world of the web but DR/DVTV’s hands and space wont be dirtied by it any further.

    peace

    patti

  2. handeyes
    Sep 25, 2010 @ 22:15:27

    sorry for all the typos above folks – no time to correct. if its not making sense – shout and ill fix it later
    peace

    patti

  3. handeyes
    Sep 25, 2010 @ 23:19:51

    Heye Penny

    thanks for stopping back in. Im cool with u calling Amy to examine her own contributions to some of the tone and negative practices in the Deaf blogsphere. My point was that I think what Amy has done does not constitute cyberbullying. Ur point by and large is “THE” Deaf community shouldn’t be labeled or saddled with the title of cyberbullying either etc.

    Point taken. Thanks for clarifying.

    Again, my discomfort with discussing this here is that its a discussion that really should be taking place in Amy or your own spaces – i think. In no way did i mean it to say I am not gonna stand by the Deaf community or that I’m listening to Amy’s plea over your points.

    This blog entry is about Tayler and DR/DVTV – u made a connection as Amy is a b/vlogger and also an editor with DR/DVTV and Tayler referenced his team in his attack blog in my dis-honor. Amy also blogged today sharing her inside experience with b/vlogging world and i referenced that in my other blog entry so it is related and connected and part of the picture but to discuss in-depth when she aint aware or not been invited to the party – that isn’t cool sooooo

    if u dont mind – post a link to this blog in her blog and invite her to scroll down

    i guess that is the best we can do until u get ur new computer etc.

    re: apathy – well i have been accused of many a things but never apathy ; )

    so pls understand – i aint attempting to silence ya – im just saying – let amy know we r having this discussion.

    re: impressions – eyes of the beholder. lets just keep stated statements on the table and work from there

    peace

    patti

  4. Joseph Pietro Riolo
    Sep 25, 2010 @ 23:42:40

    To Penny, I would appreciate if you can identify any statements in Ms. Amy Cohen Efron’s latest blog post that show her blaming the deaf community. I read her blog post several times and did not get the impression that she put the blame wholly on the deaf community. My understanding is that only few members of the community – not the whole community itself – did some harmful deeds toward her. Also, my understanding is that her initial expectations about the deaf community were found not wholly true. Some people think that the deaf community is a utopian where everyone gets along with everyone else but they will be surprised to find that it is far from utopian and thus, become disillusioned.

    I could be wrong in understanding her position but I felt the need to speak out for her. If I turn out to be partially or wholly wrong, I will accept corrections.

    Joseph Pietro Riolo
    josephpietrojeungriolo@gmail.com

    Public domain notice: I put all of my expressions in this post in the public domain.

  5. handeyes
    Sep 26, 2010 @ 00:40:12

    Heye all –
    i left a comment over at Amy’s notifying her of this discussion. I dont know if it will get through. It occurred to me that she might not accept comments from me after i posted it. Didnt receive any type of auto reply re: awaiting moderator etc

    sooo what im gonna do to make peace with my conscience is – leave these comments up over night and if no response from Amy or she doesnt leave comments here – i will remove them.

    Penny – i neglected to mention that i am thankful that u acknowledge that it was wrong for someone to contact her employer unjustly.

    I agree with Joseph – that if u can pinpoint specific statements from Amy that give u the impression that she is accusing THE community of cyberbullying – that would be help me see ur pov better.

    RE: ur point aobut – fingerpointing – yes

    yes we all gotta stop that

    “ask not what the blogsphere can do for u, ask what u can do for the blogsphere” ; )

    i just re-read her blog entry and maybe the TITLE gave u the impression she was blaming the whole community of cyberbullying

    i dont get that impression at all. it is clear its certain individuals who have done things to her that we ourselves would NOT support and all that little poking can add up.

    this is really important for folks to know – many many many too many good voices go silent cuz its a “mean mean mean world out there in the blogsphere” and if we can come from love when we challenge etc etc

    she shared “In closing, the path of enlightenment comes with a destination of disillusionment.”

    while the carton she used – which is hysterical to me – i really love that idea – climbing all the way up and HHMMMMMM not what i was expecting – the cartoon says “The first step toward enlightenment is disillusionment.”

    which id be inclined to agree with. it seems from amy’s post she is saying that she became enlightened and then moved on to the destination of disillusionment (which to me is a bummer but paramount to me would be Amy prioritizing her health – well-being – spirituality etc)

    peace

    patti

  6. handeyes
    Sep 26, 2010 @ 12:44:24

    got an email from Amy that fine to have these here.

    Thanks much all

    peace

    Patti

  7. Amy Cohen Efron
    Sep 26, 2010 @ 13:10:26

    Hi Patti, Penny and Joseph…

    First, Patti and Joseph, you are right what you have ‘interpreted’ to what I wrote on my blog. I will continue blogging/vlogging about issues that needed attention. To blog about a specific individual as long it is positive and inspiring is my nature. I used to think about blogging something negative against an individual would make a difference. No, it did not. It makes things worse.

    Penny, you are more than welcome to email me directly and privately to discuss the issues that you wanted to clarify with me. Several of your statements are not true, and some that I’ve ‘owned’ up and moved on. I would appreciate that if we could find a middle ground where we could discuss with utmost respect and courtesy. The comment you left on my blog came with an accusatory tone and I need to preserve my own boundaries (including my blog as one of the boundary space), to not to respond to this kind of tone. Penny, I have consistently shown my respect to you with the previous blogs which I’ve responded to you, even though I encouraged you to go ahead with blogging/vlogging. I am pleased to learn that you are working on getting a new computer and then you can express your thoughts. That is your own opinions and boundary which I can respect.

    Also, Patti, I wrote a blog almost one year ago about “Respect and Boundaries” and it was well received one by several commentators. I think that is something we all can go back and review what I’ve wrote. The link is: http://www.deafeyeseeit.com/2009/10/20/respect-and-boundaries/

    Also, I published another blog in November 2009 explaining what I am thankful during the Thanksgiving holiday. The link is: http://www.deafeyeseeit.com/2009/11/25/why-am-i-thankful-during-the-thanksgiving-holiday/

    In closing, deep inside of me that I still do believe that everyone have their own good intentions to make our world a better place. Naturally, we all argue about the approaches and strategies in how to make the world a better place. That is a human nature. We can argue each other with respect and not overstepping each other’s boundaries. No one should feel forced to accept the argument or taking their sides. History had tried to force people to take sides, but in an individual’s mind, that cannot be done.

    Thank you for allowing me to leave a comment on your blog. Keep up with your passions, Patti.

    Amy Cohen Efron

  8. DeafA
    Sep 26, 2010 @ 14:16:06

    If Tayler did a poll if we wanted Audism added, I would say majority do.

    I hope Tayler and his team will monitor cyberbullying more often. Because no one else is. YouTube (or other Video websites) are not going to monitor them because they don’t even understand ASL. But they wil ban people who use spoken language if they used the same cyberbullying method.

  9. handeyes
    Sep 27, 2010 @ 02:05:05

    Amy many thanks for stopping by and all you have shared here. The links r great – especially the one with all the tips – now if we could consolidate them down to 5…. say agreements that would be grand- smile (in another thread we discuss the 5 Agreements by Ruiz) which comes in pretty dang handy in the blogsphere

    Thank u again

    DeafA – re: a poll – i dont think i have ever seen anyone at DR/DVTV team suggest that. That’s kinda a cool idea.

    re: Youtube is much much much much much larger in scale, scope and volume. I think they do try but its pretty dang impossible to catch every copyright infringement and infraction etc. With DVTV or any other video website – its much smaller and a smaller community sooooo stuff has greater impact.

    For DR – they pursue an approach of being like the washington post and SELECTING the best of types of entries etc but as i have always said its a really tough job they have the DR editors

    they could go for a free for all system like DVTV – just list anything and everything or they could exercise more discretion

    i think by and large they do a pretty good job. i just wanted for “disability” and “culture” to be added to ensure the main population DR and DVTV caterers too is duly represented and respected in their guidelines for those times its an issue.

    Peace

    Patti

  10. DeafA
    Sep 27, 2010 @ 02:25:00

    haha, I wonder if Holism should be reported to DeafRead because his latest blog is not deaf related, it is religion related : http://theholism.blogspot.com/2010/09/deafhood-church-is-here.html

  11. spiritualwing64
    Sep 27, 2010 @ 16:54:28

    I had to stop by here and read Amy Cohen Efron’s blog which she send her link about respect and boundaries.

    Amy,

    I would love to share with your blog. You stated this: “My thoughts start with this simple equation… Respect : Boundary

    We give each other respect, and that means we recognize each others’ boundaries. The more we understand each individual’s personal boundaries, and we can give respect appropriately.

    Sometimes, the lack of respect can be a boundary violation for a person. This can make a person feeling angry or feeling powerless. When that happens, we usually fight back to preserve our boundaries. Fighting requires a skill.”

    Let me tell you, ” fighting truly does not require a skill.” Why? Let me explain here. =0)

    Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what’s the best way to handle it? To answer this question, we must first understand what anger really is. Anger is an emotion often characterized by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath, and vengeance. Many times, reacting in anger is how we express our dissatisfaction with life. Anger begins with a feeling that’s often expressed in words or actions. We feel something and it causes a reaction.

    Injustice—when people mistreat us but there is nothing we can do about it, we get angry because we feel which it isn’t fair. As much as we’d like to change the situation or the person who’s treating us badly, we can’t. People can’t change people unless if one person is willing to change herself or himself to rid of their angers then admit themselves if they were wrong.

    Strife—which is hidden, repressed anger, begins with judgment, gossip, backbiting and thinking too highly of yourself. Strife is often exhibited in arguing, bickering, heated disagreements and angry undercurrents.

    Impatience—often produces anger when we can’t get what we want when we want it. When our progress is hindered (blocked) or slowed down because of others, it’s easy to become impatient. Most of us struggle with impatience on a daily basis simply because of today’s fast-paced world.

    Abuse of any kind—sexual, physical, verbal, emotional or mental abuse almost always leads to anger. They are all injustices, which eventually leave the abused feeling helpless and angry. Abuse of any kind can’t be ignored. We must deal with it and process it before we can get free from this.

    Jealousy—anger caused by jealousy was one of the first negative emotions. Although this is one of the more extreme results of jealousy, it reminds us of how dangerous jealousy can be.

    Other roots that lead to anger include fear of confrontation, insecurity, and feeling controlled by a job or other people and their problems.

    Another thing is I would call Masks of Anger….how? Read below:

    Sometimes we use masks to cover up the things we don’t want anybody to see. If we are harboring anger, we think masking it keeps others from knowing the real us. So we hide behind a variety of masks in an attempt to trick people into thinking we’re something or someone we’re not. I have discovered that people respect you more if you share your real self with them rather than trying to hide everything. After all, people can tell when something isn’t right. You may think you’re hiding your anger, but it will eventually find a way to come out—either in hands tone, body languages or attitudes. Some people use the cold-shoulder mask. When someone makes them angry, they may say they’ve forgiven them, but they become cold, showing no warmth or emotion in dealing with that individual. Other people like to use the silent-treatment mask. They say they’re not angry with you, yet they refuse to talk to you, or they only communicate when it’s absolutely necessary, usually with a grunt or nod. When people avoid being with, touching, or doing things for the person they’re angry with, they’re hiding behind a mask, which isn’t the answer. This silent mask is very sarcasm. It is really easy to recongize (such as to identify from knowledge of appearance or characteristics) those kind of masks that we should watch out.

    We must get to the root of anger and deal with it. Get rid of the masks and face the things that happened in our life that made us the way we are today. Admit that you can’t change by yourself and also, admit yourself that you’re the one who carried the mask of angers. Until the root of anger is removed, they will become a better person. Actually, when we’re faced with anger, we must choose our pain. We can be “bitter” or “better”—it’s up to us! If you’re mad about something, instead of letting it ruin your life, turn it into something good. Overcome evil and anger by praying for those who hurt and abuse you. Forgive them and be a blessing to them. It may not be easy at first, but when you make the decision and stick with it.

    I would not respect them and I can put my own boundaries around them for my own reason. If the person truly does “not” respect me then I won’t respect any person back.

    Set our own boundaries first then we will gain our respects.

    Enjoy your day!

  12. handeyes
    Sep 28, 2010 @ 08:46:22

    NOTE: Penny emailed me yesterday and requested that i remove her comments.

    Peace

    Patti

  13. MIchael
    Oct 01, 2010 @ 18:56:46

    “Are you again trying to silence me by using the “professionalism” angle?” was used by Tayler Mayer over at y3 to challenge Tami Hossler. He needs to look at himself. He has used the very same tatic on several people. He is not honest with himself.

  14. handeyes
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 09:51:27

    michael,

    I do not know what he is or isnt in terms of being honest with himself

    i do know that he generated a blog entry saddling me with a label of harasser simply because i emailed him a few times over the course of 300 days and he never gave me any reply of do not contact me

    i do know that he lied about the executive director of an abuse agency, who wrote a letter to him opposing DR / DVTV running attack b/vlogs. He said she said i got her to write the letter. I saw her the other day and she said “i never said that.” He said she said that she withdrew the agency’s letter to him opposing cyberbullying in DR/DVTV. She told me the other day that she NEVER SAID THAT. What she did say was…. that if he removed the attack b/vlogs from the DR listing and DVTV (especially those that targeted children) she would write him a follow up thank you letter.

    I would do this also.

    He said she gave him the green light to go after me.

    She said I would never do that.

    I said – I know. I know.

    So, MIchael, I dont know if tayler is lying to himself but i certainly do know he is lying about me and her and her agency and he is lying to us – the Deaf CommUNITY and he is using DR / DVTV to spread lies and falsehoods.

    Not cool.

    Geez where is candy to do a shout out on my behalf when u need her? eh

    peace

    patti

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