Greetings Tayler and members of our beloved Deaf community :
I hope you are well.
I come in positive peace.
I am sorry we are at this place of conflict and you, Tayler, have chosen to attack me with falsehoods and namecalling. I know I have challenged you. I see that this challenge, which comes from love, has hurt you.
I now fully understand that you cannot enforce guidelines that you yourself actively violate.
I am sorry to learn that you feel i have been harassing you. Using DVTV’s own definition of cyberbullying via the R-list which was taken from wikipedia
You have: “Cyberstalking is the use of information and communications technology, particularly the Internet, by an individual or group of individuals, to harass another individual, group of individuals, or organization. The behavior includes false accusations, monitoring, the transmission of threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sexual purposes, and gathering information for harassment purposes.”
It seems that perhaps you are engaging in cyberbullying and harassment of me with your recent blog entry where you call me a “harasser,” demonstrate that you have been monitoring me my comments in the blogsphere, and you put forth false accusations about me.
From DR Guideline #8 re: Name calling:
“Naming a person is still fine, however if the named person is insulted, or targeted negatively, it will raise a flag for which we will survey the post more closely. Criticizing an idea or organization is fine. Any exceedingly negative posts, regardless of whether a name is used, will be omitted.”
You have targeted me negatively and brandished me with a false label of “harasser”
on july 1, 2009 you, Tayler, wrote:
“i have a lot of things going on and am juggling them all! i’ll add audism in the guidelines — try to do this today!!! yay!!!”
but then you never did and never replied to any of my inquiries as to if you had changed your mind etc.
DVTV walkout began 2nd week of Sept (of which AFA and Ruthie are not part of until the end of Oct and after)
You, Tayler, vlogged about how no one had ever complained to him audism – i email you – we have a VP chat. We discuss how the word “audism” is unclear and you say you will be adding the word “disability” to DR guidelines and CULTURE to both the DR and DVTV guidelines –
Oct 3rd you, Tayler, wrote: “need to sit down and revise both guidelines this week. thanks patti”
That was almost 1 year ago
i only emailed you a few times in the year that has passed because i mistakenly hoped that you would do the right thing and add “disability” and “culture” to the DR/DVTV guidelines. Less than 10 emails over the course of 300 days does not constitute harassment.
“harasser” me – if I am – I am a very poor one at that.
RE: my return to DR – it was on our “good faith” understanding and cuz i still believed in u. As i did up until ur two blog entries.
Not only has DR and DVTV been listing and posting offensive and attacking b/vlogs – you are now creating them and listing them. Thus, I have come to the very hard conclusion that you cannot possibly enforce your own guidelines since you violate them yourself and I see you do not plan to keep your words to the commitments in the emails to me above. (please correct me if I am wrong)
Just a couple of business tips –
If you are breaking off communication with someone who only sends u a few emails over the span of a year – you might want to formally let them know that so that they dont assume that maybe the previous one or two communications hadn’t reached you or you had been too busy and overlooked them. Or they still are hopeful for the better angels of our nature to emerge.
If you want someone to accept to “agree to disagree” with you – it is best to let them know that, in fact, you no longer agree what you promised you were going to do.
Re: crying cyberbullying – many many many people and groups sent letters about cyberbullying. Are you saying we are all wrong and “harassers” for exercising peaceful direct confrontation? Kinda conflicts with your free speech position doesn’t it. I did not and DO NOT support any letters, emails, vlogs, blogs, or comments that spread false accusations. I do support peaceful and positive activism. (MLK Jr said positive peace is not the absence of tension but rather the presence of justice. It is unjust for DR and DVTV to run attack v/blogs and to omit “disability” and “culture” from its guidelines.)
Re: The domestic violence agency who sent a letter to you about Cyberbullying –
Your facts are WRONG HERE.
“I will have you know that a letter was written to me by a domestic violence agency by her [meaning Patti’s] request. (Patti here: I did not request that this domestic violence agency write a letter) After hearing my side of the story, I received the agency’s support and was told something akin to this: “I could do whatever I wanted about Patti”. I am given the green light to address Patti’s ethics and practices.”
“Did she use the domestic violence agency to harass me? Definitely likely. As the excerpt explains, the agency reversed their position (Patti here: If you are speaking of the letter from ASADV – their executive director told me a few weeks ago that she had told YOU that she still stands by her letter. Are you saying she is lying? If she is now reversing this position – then she should inform us so we can remove the letter she wrote which is on the agency’s letterhead) and supports me and my team. Given the green light to address Patti’s ethics and practices? Green light given by a domestic violence agency?!” (Patti here: Are you saying a domestic violence agency gave you the green light to lie about me by saying I got them to write this letter and to lie about themselves in terms of telling me they still stand by their letter but telling you they ‘reverse their position’? Are you saying they gave you the green light to attack me on false and faulty basis? – boy, that ain’t cool – especially as you noted – coming from an abuse agency – WOW. Hoping perhaps you just misunderstood some stuff there?)
Note added Oct 11 : Last week I bumped into the director of ASADV and i asked her if:
1. she had withdrawn the letter re: cyberbullying and DR/DVTV – she replied that NO she has not withdrawn it and explained that she had simply told Tayler that if and when DR/DVTV pulled the listings / vlogs attacking children – she would then write them a letter of thanks.
2. she acknowledged that I did not contact her about writing the letter and she did not give Tayler any green light to go after me.
Just the facts folks and nothing but the facts.
re: my comments in Facebook and Twitter
Hey Tayler – its kinda creepy that you are monitoring what i have written in facebook and on twitter seeing how i almost NEVER EVER comment in either space. Ya must really be looking hard and what were these comments? What did i even say? I know i ain’t no angel and my halo is pretty crooked at times but either someone is impersonating me or that you solely consider me to be a cyberbully just because i commented to Ricky Taylor a few times – so im a cyberbully by association – oh goodness – if you are gonna extend your definition that way – careful who u hang with pal and who hangs with you because then they (i guess by your standards) are now “harassers” and “cyberbullies”?
Also, this executive director of the domestic violence agency seemed to have the impression that i was behind the Stop Deafread @ Facebook (in hindsight perhaps she got this notion from u when u were visiting at the NAD conference) but when she told me she disapproved of me running the Stop Deafread @ Facebook – i was shocked and told her i had nothing to do with that site. This is a fact.
You wrote: “Who is the harasser here? Patti Durr. And she has been doing it to me for almost a year.”
If a few emails over the course of one year constitute harassment – I am guilty as charged but i would say – be careful because perhaps u may be accused of harassing someone else based on that definition.
What i have done: (confession time)
i have called a few select folks names – and for that i am sorry. No not “extremists,” “terrorists,” “antichrist,” “anarchists,” “crybabies,” “children,” “deafhoodites,” etc
No i have never used those terms but i have used “his unholiness” and i have used the term “naysayers” I can’t really think of any other name i have called anyone.
I have practiced and believed in direct, peaceful confrontation. I have been relentless about bring truths into the light and trying to have a just and good blogsphere because i have seen TOO MANY good voices go silent.
Oh and i do have a little show i run once and a while called The Rotten Potatoe News with a fictitious character called Patsy Purr – its satire and parody. Just a little comedic relief.
So bless me sisters and brothers of the v/blogsphere cuz i have succumbed to being silly in the spirit of the Onion News.
If we round up all my b/vlogs, comments here and there that relate to DR, DVTV, and you Tayler – you will see that I have stated i dont support any attacking of you – that i mean you no ill-will and that I love you. I still do.
My love is a firm one but it has been unwavering. I have believed in the good in you. That you would be a man of your word and do the right thing.
You have now made it abundantly clear that i was wrong in my judgment. I have erred in having this faith for too long. I still love you.
I still cannot fathom why you and your editors would not want to add “disability” and “culture” to the guidelines.
You have never explained this.
While I am very glad you have broken your silence. I am sorry you have chosen to attack me. Not because it hurts me but because it diminishes you and your editors and your ability to enforce your own guidelines. Because it now makes visible your own disregard for your own existing guidelines.
And mostly because it diminishes the great potential of what DR / DVTV deserves to be.
To our beloved Deaf Community – I apologize to you all for having believed in Tayler more than I believed in the need to have an alternative aggregator and video website. I honestly stayed with this because I believed in his words and in his editors and because I did not want to see division.
I now see as Deaf Village so quickly saw (wow we have something in common) that an alternative aggregator is needed and I’m thankful for the alternative video website www.aslrocks.net which recognizes audism is not cool.
Tayler – I love you and will keep you in my heart. We can finally “agree to disagree.”
Some important facts have come to light from our conflict:
1. that the guidelines of DR/DVTV are selectively and inconsistently applied
2. ML King Jr said: “Privileged groups rarely give up their privileges without strong resistance. Hence the basic question which confronts the world’s oppressed is: How is the struggle against the forces of injustice to be waged? The alternative to violence is non-violent resistance. The non-violent resister must often express his protest through non-cooperation or boycotts, but he realizes that non-cooperation and boycotts are not ends in themselves; they are merely means to awaken a sense of moral shame in the opponent.” (Christian Century Magazine 1957)
It is true that I employed this peaceful technique to awaken a sense of moral shame in DR/DVTV for posting attack v/blogs. It is true that I employed this peaceful technique to see DR/DVTV do the right thing and take a stand against ableism via adding “disability” to the DR guidelines and against audism via adding “culture” or after ethnicity (this includes Natural Signed Language people) in DR and DVTV guidelines.
I would have MUCH preferred never to even have to do such advocacy. But our people are worth it. DR/DVTV and you were worth it.
3. MLK Jr and many other good folks have said “it is never the wrong time to do the right thing.
4. Folks are concerned about division. It is simple.
Option 1: You can stand by DR/DVTV publishing and disseminating (and now creating) v/blogs that attack and harass members of our community and support their omission of “disability” and “culture” in their guideline(s)
Option 2: You can turn a blind’s eye because you want to continue to have traffic on the DR/DVTV grid (fyi – im way way way off the grid and have more traffic than when I was on DR/DVTV. If you build a new space for yourself folks will come)
Option 3: You can wait until you have more information. Uneducation / uninformed silence is not really the answer though (ie – burying your head in the sand). So get the answers and do your homework.
Option 4: You can join in the attacking and get it carried by DR/DVTV.
Option 5: I know many of you fear you will be bitten next as Tayler has done to me. You can live in fear and do nothing.
NO WORRIES re: Tayler’s attempt to disseminate simple lies against me to conceal, distort, and distract from complex truth.
I am not hurt or angry. He has pulled down his own mask and a few others will follow.
It will be uncomfortable. It will be shameful what they resort to.
The good news is:
This will allow us to see facts, fiction, and truths for what they truly are because they are no longer hidden. It’s a good thing. It’s a hard thing to behold but it is the truth and that is always good.
It will allow new spaces to emerge to wrestle with all the hard issues of folks being unkind to each other in the b/vlogsphere.
It will allow us to have “the spiritual audacity to assert our somebodyness” and it will allow us to be part of a truth force / soul force. We will have options.
I do apologize to the Deaf community for having gone on so long in advocating for DR/DVTV to do the right thing because I did not want us to be split and because I believed in Tayler for so long. I do not regret my advocacy or the position I took. I just regret that it took me this long to get to this point of seeing a truth I was not willing to recognize- that Tayler can not judge what harassing, namecalling, defamation, false accusations, and monitoring are if he engages in those techniques to silence just, right and good dissent.
I suspect it will get worse before it gets better. What i ask of us is – no lashing out against Tayler, the editors of DR/DVTV, the bloggers/vloggers of DR/DVTV and the supporters. Challenge with facts and truth and above all LOVE or do not respond at all. Do not react out of anger, hate, or vengeance. That is not part of soulforce and it is not right, just, or good.
Be well all. I love you.